I Live My Love

My plan for tonight includes a 3mi run followed by a 90 minute ashtanga yoga session.

I love getting out of work at five which actually makes this possible. Not sure how long the bigwigs at work will actually let me keep this up for.

This week at the grocery store I forgot to buy dark chocolate so I just grabbed a bar at the register. I only have a few pieces per day (if that), so a bar will last me a week. Ew - I bought Hershey’s Special Dark, and I hated every second of eating it. The bar was only 45%, it was waxy, and didn’t really taste like anything. It wasn’t a thing like the 70% organic chocolate I typically buy.

Needless to say, I didn’t eat any more and I will be throwing it away. If I don’t love it - why eat it?

I think that my idea (ideal?) of myself and my actual self don’t exactly match. I think that I am healthy, friendly, smart, and aspirational. But is this who I really am? Let’s take healthy for example. Today I had a smoothie (banana, frozen berries, Greek yogurt) for breakfast. Healthy? Check. For lunch - not so much. I had a buffalo chicken wrap and homemade chips. And I didn’t work our today. So “healthy” is debatable.

I know I need to start looking at the big picture and not each individual choice - but don’t they all add up?

I should spend less time thinking about who I want to be, and more time putting it to practice.

So even though I had a bit too much to drink last night, I was still totally pumped for my race today. It was gonna be my first race in Central Park, which is something I’ve always wanted to do. I woke up before my alarm, fed the puppies, showered, got the boyfriend up, made us pre-race smoothies for breakfast, and drove to the meeting place for the bus to drive us into the city. On the ride in, I was feeling kinda nervous and anxious. I didn’t know where packet pickup was, whether or not there was bag check offered, and what “headphones strongly discouraged” really meant - like would no one use them? Or would most people ignore the remark?

We got there around 9:30 for a ten o’clock race. I needed to check in, go to the restroom, stretch and warm up, and find the start. The boyfriend was in the 7:30/mi group, while I was in the 10:00/mi. Needless to say, I was in the very last group, and since I was late to line up, I was one of the very last people in the very last group.

The race started off good. I was nervous without headphones, because I hate to hear people breathing beside me - it literally throws my breathing all off cadence. Because this was a cancer charity run, the spirit of the crowd was great and I actually enjoyed running with my thoughts instead of music. Literally, three miles of Central Park’s hills passed without too much of a struggle. My watch had me running a little under a ten minute mile - but I couldn’t double check, because when I got to the first mile clock, it already showed 14min or so because of the lag from the official start to when I was actually able to start because of everyone ahead of me. Regardless, I was able to keep my pace and I actually felt good crossing the finish line. I met up with the boyfriend, we marveled at our newfound running skills, and after a bit, we went to check the results. I found his info, shouted it out, and tried to find mine. I searched and searched, but couldn’t find it. There were tons of people around, so I went back to look after the group thinned out. Still no mention of my name. At this point I’m panicking. I finished - why isn’t my name there? And then I looked down at my sneakers. Whereas every other runner (including the boyfriend) made nice little circles with their dTag to transmit their data and stuck it toward the front of their shoe, in my pre-race rush and fog, I chose to stick it at the top, towards the tongue - and then tie my laces over it.

I just checked for the official results, and NYRR has no info for my name or bib number. I’m an idiot! I wake myself up early, schlep to NYC, run a race (at a pretty decent pace for me) and I don’t even get to know the official results.

Better luck next time, I guess.

I am so freaking nervous for tomorrow. The boyfriend and I are running an official NYRR race. 4 mi. And the “use of headphones is strongly discouraged.” And while golfing today, I had like five glasses of wine, two shots of whiskey, and coffee with baileys.

Ughhhhh. Instead of carb loading like I should have, I’m going to bed pretty buzzed and not at all in the zen mindset I need. And I know tons of people who are running this race, tons of people know I’m running this race (so I know they’ll check my timed out online), and it’s for a work-related cause. I should make it the run of my life (especially because I set my PR last week), but I think my actions today pretty much negate that.

Can I even run a single mile without my iPod? Especially through the hills of Central Park?

I should have weighed in today. I haven’t gone to Weight Watchers in over a month. Now, I know from my own personal scale that I’m losing weight (ever. so. slightly), but I know if I actually weighed in, I’d be more accountable. And lose weight at a better pace.

Case in point? I knew I wasn’t going this morning, so last night for dinner, after a marathon grocery shopping session, the boyfriend and I had pizza and chips. The pizza was homemade, with onions, peppers, mushrooms, and a bit of chicken, but cheese definitely made an appearance - both goat and mozzarella. And the chips? Not low fat or healthy in the slightest. 

In my slight defense, the reason I was going to skip WW this morning was because there’s a great yoga class I had plans to go to. Seriously! My friend and I had plans to go to the 8am class and do breakfast afterwards. But, I woke up feeling crazy lightheaded (this is becoming more and more of an occurrence - whenever I get up too fast, move my head suddenly, or change direction, I get all dizzy) and skipped WW and yoga.

I checked the schedule, and there is a Wednesday pm meeting. I will be making an appearance to step on the scale. (Even though I typically weigh in Saturday mornings with a empty tummy, I know I need to go back, even it if means an end of day meeting).

So i’m heading back to work today after taking Monday and Tuesday off, for no reason other than I needed a break. When I was growing up, my mom let us take one day off per marking period, calling it a “mental health day.” She’s a social worker, so I figured it was sone fluffy type of thing, but now I realize how important these day are for my sanity. It was either have a mental breakdown or take a few days off. I exercised, hung out with the boyfriend, painted our den, visited the burrito bar at Wegmans (total disappointment - it’s not like Moe’s, or Chipotle, or Qdoba - it didn’t really taste like anything), painted my nails, and just made time for me.

I think I’m ready to go back with a better attitude. I can’t always be the grumpy, cynical one at work. I’m ready to let my efforts speak for me - not my complaining.

Wish me luck.

So the results from this weekend’s 5k are in. I ran at a 9:47/mi pace. While that’s not super fast for some people (the boyfriend ran it at 8:11/mi pace), I still managed to beat the time I set for myself (a 10:00/mi), beat my personal record, and out paced both of my coworkers. I’m pretty pumped about the results!

I have a 4mi race this weekend in Central Park (with all its hills). I’m hoping to finish strong in this one as well!

I realized that I don’t actually like running though. While in the middle of a run, I infrequently enjoy it, and literally feel every step, and choke down every breath. But, I love the way I feel afterwards - whether it’s a race or for exercise, I feel healthy and on top of the world! Now, if I could only get that zen-runner’s-mentality, I’d be set.

My playlist is made for the 5k today. It’s extremely random. I’m not sure if this one’s a keeper. We’ll have to see.

I’m going to yoga. I haven’t been in almost a year. I gotta get back into it sometime, right? I’m nervous. I have a spare tire around my tummy that’s totally gonna impede some of my moves - but I used to feel so much better after going.

One of my New Year’s resolutions was to make time for me. This is totally a step in the right direction!

I ordered mushroom risotto today for dinner. It had sun dried tomatoes and pine nuts. But, ever since I ate it, I’ve had this awful metal taste in my mouth. It’s like radiating from my stomach and I don’t know how to get rid of it!

It’s gotten me out of my hotel room the last two Wednesday nights in a row (while travelling for work), and onto the treadmill. Even after dinner (when all I want to do is sit on the couch with my full belly), I’ve managed to jog/walk at an incline during the performances and sprint during commercials. It might not be as hard of a cardio workout as I’m used to, but couple that hour of AI with 30 minutes of elliptical machine, and I burned 850 calories.

Not too shabby.

Work is draining! Although I worked a relatively short day today (only 8:30 - 5:30), it still leaves me exhausted. And makes me a Debbie Downer.

However, I am not too tired to do P90X tonight. With all my travels last week, I took last week off, and I’m back in this week. Maybe I should call it P97X?

It’s pretty humbling to realize I can’t wear shorts to work out in because my legs are too fat. Not fat in the this-doesn’t-look-good kind of way, but fat in a if-I-wear-this-it’s-gonna-be-incredibly-painful-because-my-legs-won’t-stop-rubbing-together way.